Chapter 3: A Mental Breakdown And a New Alter-Ego

(Remember to click on the pictures to make them larger if you'd like!)

Ohh, I'm sooo hungry! I must feed my baby and possible TWINS that are due at the end of December, plus or minus a few days!

Tila had crashed out for 16 hours straight. After yelling at everyone on Twitter for not waking her up, she decided to order a pizza, since one of her wants in the game was to eat pizza. (If you've ever played The Sims 3, the game gives each character random wants and needs to help gain points to buy special items, as well as to help boost the character's mood).

"Hey, it's Tila Tequila! I heard that you're pregnant! I saw your baby bump on Ustream, where'd it go?!"

Ugh! That is SO none of your business! I moved out here to get some peace and quiet now that I am going to be a mommy! NOW GIVE ME MY PIZZA, HATER! MY TWINS AND I ARE STARVING!

'Well, I guess a tip is out of the question...' the poor unsuspecting delivery woman thought.

I'm sick of people looking at my stomach and assuming I'm not pregnant just because they dont see a bump when they see me in person. I'm SO going to start wearing looser clothes so you cant tell whether or not I'm showing. HA! That takes care of THAT little ditty! No more questions! Now I can continue seeming legit to my fans!

OH, SHIT! I got pizza stains all over my pretty dress!

I've had it with all the haters around here. I'm going to go see what else this place has to offer.

Another feature of The Sims 3 are "Wishes." All characters have certain desires as well as wants and needs. For some reason, one of Tila's wishes lately has been to see a ghost, so I decided to take her to the local cemetery.

(Why do you want to see a ghost, exactly?)

Duh, I'm very in touch with spirits. I have conversations with God and he told me I was his chosen one. I need to interact with the spirits to put my soul at rest and to finally prove to these haters that I truly am God's second coming and totally cool in the spirit realm! That is why I've been wishing to speak with a ghost lately! It never hurts to have a ghost on your side!

(*looks around for PR person*)

OH. MY. GOD. I see one! He's so cute, too! Looks like he's been all alone for a long long time... such a poor lost soul. Little does he know that tonight is his lucky night! No longer will you be tortured, lost soul! Tila Tequila your savior is on her way!

Excuse me, ghost?! Hello, my name is Tila! May I talk with you for a moment?

'Good thing I dont need my heart medication anymore, because now would be one of those times...' the Ghost thought.

How long have you been dead? Have you ever heard of, the Internet? Thanks to the Internet, millions of people know me! Can you speak, Ghost? What is your name?

"My name is Cornelius. And yes, I know what the Internet is. I passed away due to a heart attack 6 weeks ago. My grandson had some very strange looking posters of you on his wall."

Oh my God, that's so sweet! You are too cute! Are you single??

"I'm dead, hunny so yes, I'm single. Doesnt mean I cant mingle though, heh heh... I gots me a hot lady ghost buried just across the lot. She's the jealous type, so watch yourself, little lady!"

Cornelius was amused at first.

So, what, you're like married? Haha that's too cute, you do realize you guys are just ghosts, right? Doesnt matter, it's not real love! Why not fall in love with a REAL human?

"Well pardon me, but just because we're dead doesnt mean we're incapable of love. You're asking for trouble, I'd leave if If were you. Just tryin' to warn ya, this 'aint your turf."

BBLARRGGGHH!!! Tila started randomly vomiting.

"...Whu...what was THAT about?! What is going on with you?!"

I'm sorry! It's just that, my fiance just died, and I loved her with all my heart, she was the love of my life! She loved me so much that she gave me a 17 caret-diamond ring! She was such a baller. She wanted to take my last name and be known as Casey Tequila, billionaire heiress to Johnson and Johnson! But she died, and now I'm all alone and I was the only one who ever cared about her! I puked because I'm pregnant! I'm pregnant because she had many dying wishes, and one of them was to have a baby dedicated to our love, so now not only am I having one baby, but two! And I'm raising them both all by myself!

"Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry... how long did you know each other? When did she die?"

I knew her for a month and didnt even know she was dead until I heard it from someone else!

"Oh...errm."

Anyway, I really like you, Corn-Corn. I can tell you're a lost soul, and I have been sent here specifically for you. You can be a free soul, Cornelius... all you have to do is help take care of me and my baby! Deal?

And with that, Cornelius randomly disappeared. And now Tila was left with nothing and no one, yet again. She just cant seem to land ONE friend.

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO NEEDS HELP ANYWAY, NOT ME! Hope you have fun being a lost soul forever! You just turned down the opportunity of your after-life! POW! Ugh, you'd think that you'd get over being a hater after DYING! You'd better hide, because if I ever catch you popping out of your grave again, you're going dooown! I know paparazzi, they will be all over this!

I need to find myself a real man anyway. I'm sick of this! People keep recognizing me as Tila Tequila. I'm sick of that persona. It's time Sunset Valley got to know the NEW woman in town...

TO BE CONTINUED................... first I must Twitter my adventure to the world before retiring from Hollywood forever.

'So that is why I am retiring from Hollywood, FOR REAL this time! Click here to read about my heart-breaking, exclusive story about my encounter with the pathetic, lost soul! This is what happens when you're a hater! He claims he has love? HA! He had the opportunity to have ACTUAL REAL love, not fake love with an imaginary person! What a loser! Anyway, dont forget to click on my link to my blog, and bookmark my TilaOMG page! Even though the only thing on it right now is the banner and I keep changing the date of when it finally launches, I continue to post it because it's just SO awesome to look at! Okay guys time to make some mac and cheese for mommy and babies! YUM!'

Normally I would just skip over parts like these, but...

This was another first I got to experience while playing this game. Normally, when a Sim does a crap-ass job making a meal, they'll at least choke it down, especially when they're two hours away from starving to death. The meal will say "burnt" or "poor quality" or something along those lines. But in this case, I guess this meal was SO horrible, the status literally said "Horrendous Quality." The game didnt even give me the option to let Tila eat it, so she had to throw it away. She nearly starved to death taking the time she did making the damn meal, too. I guess it really doesnt matter if we're talking about the real Tila or Tila Sims 3 Style --- Tila is a massive failure even without me behind the wheel of a game controlling it.

I decided to keep it simple and let her eat something already prepared so she couldnt fuck it up.

Okay, enough narrating you retarded hater. Time to slip into something much more fitting. Tila Tequila is NO MORE. I'm tired of being poor, it's time to find a man to help support me and my babies since the real father is a DEADBEAT DADDY!

(Whoa, Tila... what the shit?)

My name isnt Tila, dumbass. It's Marilyn. Luckily I kept this wig that I think looks like Marilyn Monroe's hair. I found at a garage sale. I knew it would come in handy. I am representing Marilyn Monroe, my idol. Marilyn had class and could get any man she desired. I've channeled Marilyn Monroe, and now with her on my side, just WATCH the ballas line up for me!

Ah, the gym... this is definitely where all the rich ballers are at. Perfect.

(Tila, I really wouldnt. This wig is even worse than the Hannah Montana one. GO HOME).

You're going to feel so stupid when you see that you were wrong and I was right.

Exhausted after a long work-out and ready to go home, was, I kid you not, Avante Crumplebottom. Nope, I did not make this Sim. There really is an Avante in this town, about to run into Tila, er, Marilyn. I love it.

Ooo, what a hottie! Definitely a baller. Maybe if he's lucky and has talent, I'll sign him to my record label and use him for my own music later!

Good evening, sir. My name is Marilyn. I'm looking for talent to sign to my record label.

"Sup..."

Nice to meet you! Wow, such a strong handshake! You must work out a lot! Would you like to grab a cup of coffee and have a business discussion? I dont take just anyone out for coffee, you know... you look very successful, not to mention extremely attractive! That equals mad potential in my book!

"Whoa, lady... not to be rude or nothin', but I'm not interested in this right now, I just wanna go home."

...OHHHHHH shit.

Will Tila... er, "Marilyn" remember that she's tapped into Marilyn Monroe's eloquence or will she lose it and go "INNNNN" on yet another victim in Sunset Valley? Stay tuned to Chapter 4 to find out!

***Thanks for reading :)***