Chapter 4: Tila's First Encounter

*For better quality, click the pics!*

Tila's first few days in her new home were quite eventful... in Tila's mind, anyway. Constantly Re-Tweeting compliments from other people just to show the "haters" how popular and loved she is has become almost a full-time job! Poor, poor Tila. Why are people so obsessed with someone who fakes a pregnancy, jeez!

She has also decided to take up painting, since she's talented in ALL areas. She's already mastered music and acting, now it's time to master becoming a famous artist.

Ehhh, I cant do this anymore! Must... check... responses online to make sure I'm still being talked about! I need to think up of a new EXCLUSIVE story, and fast!

Come ON, Tila Army! Wake up! Your duty is to go INNNN on these haters on Twitter and Facebook! Spam spam spam!

Ha! My army always has my back. Such mean hateful people with no life! Uhh, hello?! I just had an amazing garage sale out of the goodness of my heart. I dont know of ANY other celebrities who would do that for their fans. I am an amazing person! I love myself so much, I'm just BURSTING with love and compassion! Sigh, it's a full-time job praying for all of these haters.

Deciding on making a salad instead of mac and cheese? Much better choice, no oven involved...

Plus, we've all seen your mad knife skills...

Finally, a meal suitable for eating. It ended up being "Normal Quality." Not good, or excellent, just normal. The first normal thing Tila has done in quite some time.

I know, right? Take THAT, haters! I can be normal too because I am human! ...A human who is an angel in disguise of course!

Before Tila prepared for her meth-crash, she dressed in the appropriate attire, her bikini and high-heel stripper shoes, and had one HELL of a night. Whatever Tila dreams about she claims is real. Here is a recap of her insanity:

First, she drempt about the night she got engaged to the love of her life and the ballin' 17-carat diamond... 'those body guards and the people at the pawn shop can suck it, it was TOTALLY real,' she heard herself say in her dreams yet was convinced it was Casey who said it.

She drempt about how she would stage her next fake death...

...I'll just pretend I'm the killer and log on to Twitter again... that was fun...

Then she had a nightmare about her music and how it was a massive failure...

After the nightmare, Tila had a brief moment of clarity. That was quickly erased when suddenly, there was the Ambassador of Crystal Lake standing on a podium with Tila in front of a huge crowd. As everyone was cheering, he handed over his title and everything he owned over to her...

...All of his money (that she's giving EVERY PENNY to charity, of course)...

...A new mansion on her own private island...

...All people on their knees apologizing for being mean haters while worshipping her greatness and purity...

...And how she will update her Amazon.com wish list just knowing people will jump right on buying her more fake tacky diamonds and other presents.

Oh yeah, and then she drempt about all the new high-tech dildos she'll be able to buy as a rich Ambassador mogul. Wow, what a night! Does this game know Tila or what!?

You'd think a night of orgasmic dreams would leave a person refreshed and ready to conquer the world, but in the life of a drug addict, that feeling doesnt start until your first fix of the day.

After her drug cocktail, she decided to go outside to check out the scene. She just so happened to run into the paper girl at the same time.

'Shit...' Hey, sweetie! Boy that doesnt look like much fun!

'Whoa, she really looks spaced out...'

"Hi, Tila... how have you been?"

I'm awesome! I'm sure you've heard I'm hiring people to sign for my record label! If you're tired of delivering papers, you can live here with me for free! Only catch is you have to work for me of course... how does that sound? Like your dream come true, right?!

"I'm really happy for you, Tila! I actually play piano, I'd rather give you a CD of my songs instead. I think my parents would miss me if I moved out to live here. Thanks though! Can I send you a CD of my songs sometime?"

No wayyy, you're too young, silly. The stage is for us older folks!

You can always keep in touch with me though by following me online... I have a Facebook page, Twitter, a website, and a DATING site... if you're 18, you're free to join and get crazy on your webcam with other people! Fun times and wild parties all the time! Hehe!

"Bye, Tila. I dont think I want to be your fan anymore."

She promptly ran away after that.

SORRY THAT YOU'RE JEALOUS YOU CANT BE IN THE MUSIC BIZ, SWEETIE. IF YOU EVER NEED INSPIRATION, BUY MY BOOK!

After that, Tila started wandering off of her property because she was so high and unfocused on where she was or what she was doing. She couldnt get over how pretty the colors were. Anyway, she ended up at Izabell and Zo Nugget's house.

'What is this yetti doing here? ...Is that... is that Tila Tequila? How rude of Zo to be so cruel to Tila, she needs help!'

Hey new neighbor!! I know you know who I am, and yes it's true! We're neighbors! Are you down with Tila? C'mon, gimmie a HELL YEAH-YUHH!!!

'Okay, she's acting like a jackass but it's fine, we all have our moments...'

"Umm, Tila? I do love you and all, but can I talk to you? Honestly I want to be a friend, and friends tell each other the truth, right?"

Umm, no offense, but have you written a self-help book? No? I have. I know where this is going, and I'm going to stop you right there. You hardly look like a person fit to be giving advice to other people. You're nothing but a FAKE pretending to be a fan, HA! You just want me to go down like all the other HATERS.

"Now wait just a minute! I---"

Blah-blah-blah, I dont care, heard it all before. Dont waste your breath. I'm thirsty, so if you'll excuse me, I need a soda.

"I wouldnt go in there if I were you, my daughter is in there and believe me, she has NO sympathy for you! In fact, she downright hates you."

Oh I'm so scared of the angry teen hater. BRING IT ON!

"I warned you."

'What the fuck is this... is my mom behind this?!'

"What the FUCK are you doing here?! MOMMM!!!"

"Ahh, honey... Tila is our new neighbor, she just stopped in for a soda. She'll be leaving in a second."

EXCUSE ME, LITTLE GIRL, BUT YOU ARE VERY RUDE!

"Hold up, mom... actually, I changed my mind. I dont want her to leave quite yet."

***Tune in to Chapter 5 to find out how it goes down... thanks for reading!***