Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Chapter 1: The Epic Interview of Destruction

After being up all night long, Tila is ready and in her right mind for her interview. She has already let the Twitter Community, MySpace, and her other website know that:

"The most important, famous interviewer in Sunset Valley already wants to do an EXCLUSIVE interview about ME! Since I still want to keep my life private though, I will ONLY be talking about my music, my next concert, and possibly a NEW project in the works! FINALLY no mean girls or Paparazzi! I know you're jealous I live in such an amazing place but people can just tell I'm destined to save the world! I deserve at LEAST a congratulations, show some decency!"

After about 500 negative responses, Tila "got dressed and fueled up" for her interview.

Sorry about the crappy picture, but if you use a magnifying glass, Tila is standing outside in her fly-ass bikini and Virtual-Reality sunglasses. The "Interviewer" approaches, with her cousin accompanying her.

OMG she brought someone else?!

(maybe it's... the... photographer...)

As Tila approached, Sandra (aka Johanna, the fake name she gave Tila) was HORRIFIED.

'Does this girl own a mirror? This is even more ridiculous than I thought!'

Johanna, you never said anything about bringing someone else with you!! Who's this STUD MUFFIN?!

"Oh, um, this is my photographer, Brad. Hope you dont mind, he's very professional and takes amazing pictures."

Hey boo! You look like my sexy war hero friend! mmm!

"Sup, TEEELAHH... *muffled laughter* Are you ready to give me some TEQUILA SHOTS, babyy?"

Dont I always?! Arent I such a MILF?!

"Yeah baby you totally got it goin' AWN!"

DUH! Of course I do, hahahah! Everywhere I go there's a Tila Army member! Write that down, Johanna! POW!

(author's note: I LOVE THIS because I've never seen a Sim with that thought bubble before)

'Oh my dear baby Jesus this girl is even worse in person! What have I gotten myself into?! Oh well, a job's a job... I dont know how these other people who actually do serious interviews with her do it!'

She took a deep breath and tried to think of a serious question.

"Okay! So, Lets talk about your new music! Blue Dress, Pop Rox, Stripper Friends... how does it feel when people tell you they're rip-offs of other peoples' songs?"

Honestly, people are obsessed with what I do and I have NO idea why. They are going to say that my songs are someone else's just to stir up drama, but here's what you DONT know! I already talked to Depeche Mode, Joan Jett, and Aimee Allen beforehand because we're all really good friends since I um *smack lips* used to hang with Smashing Pumpkins, and they all said they were honored TILA TEQUILA was using their songs! This is just like when Vanilla Ice got slammed for his song sounding like Queen's song Under Pressure. Whatever, right it still sounded hot! Just like my songs! It's like, SO sad that all these haters will do all this just to get my attention. Sorry losers, as much as you try, I WILL NEVER HIT ON YOU! Like seriously, that's all it is. Jealousy. Everyone LOVED my songs when I performed and I even made the people who were controlling the volume of my microphone cry when I sang "Blue Dress" because it was so heartbreaking.
(no this is NOT an actual quote by Tila Tequila. Just verifying because there's some really weird talk of legal shit regarding blogs going around lately)

Sandra was speechless. Brad couldnt even sarcastically say she looked hot anymore.

"You lying BITCH! You're about to be mournin' over your career REAL soon so I suggest climbin' a tree right about now because THAT'S HOW YOU MOURN, REMEMBER?"

Sandra had enough too.

"Yeah, I see you have a lot of rose bushes around... need a flower for your boobs?"

BITCH who do you think you're talking to?! YOU just had the PERFECT chance to be one of my VIP's but you BLEW it. I was going to let you and your friend come with me on vacation in 2 weeks to my VERY OWN PRIVATE ISLAND but you know what? Forget it! You will be hearing from my lawyer VERY soon!

(Go, Tila. You handle situations so gracefully. You will be an amazing Ninja Ambassador.)

And YOU! Johanna, you're just upset because you dont look like me! Another JEALOUS soul. I will pray for you both AFTER bashing BOTH of you on my Twitter and blog!!!!

Brad was leaving.

"You just blew it, you havent even been here a week and already after this, you're going to be driven out of here too. I'm out of here. This bitch is wack."

You'll be sorry! You just messed up BIG time!! You could have been one of the ones I have come here to save but I guess there's no saving evil people like you!

POW! Why did you bring him? He wasnt professional at ALL, and he didnt take ONE picture of me! What is up with you guys?! How do you know that I DIDNT talk to them? HUH?

"It's just that you constantly claim things and the proof you show is either fake or very vague. You claim everyone else is the liar. You know damn right well those people didnt talk to you and say it was okay for you to not even give them credit for their songs. It's one thing to make up silly things for laughs and fun, or make fun of something in a funny way, but the lies you produce to gain popularity are just sick. You dont see that? Or are you just so fame-hungry you dont even care?"

Why do you care what goes on in my life? I cant help it if the media takes what I say seriously! Get a life! You can leave too! I have a business meeting with Razb2k in an hour. I flew him out here so we can discuss his upcoming album featuring ME of course!

"Oh no need to kick me out dear, I'm gladly leaving!"

Are all people in Sunset Valley like this?!

"To you they will be. We dont take kindly to people like you. Enjoy your stay! It should be very interesting."

You're damn right it will be, BITCH... you have no idea what I'm capable of! Tila Tequila retired from Hollywood, bitches... it's JANE'S time to shine...

Tila blogs, "Jane is back, bitches. Tila is sleeping right now. She's had a hard couple days..."

1 comment:

  1. Genius! Can't wait for the next installment...