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Zo started chanting some random sentences in a different language. Apparently, she was into the paranormal and was convinced she had a 6th sense.
"I'm only letting you stay to tell you this. If you dont improve your ways, you will not find a single soul, living OR dead, who will want to be around you. You smell like you've been around dead souls. Have you been talking to the ghosts at the local graveyard?!"
Uh, no? You're obviously not part of the Tila Army which is a shame, because we kick ASS. No one fucks with the Tila Army. It's a shame too, because if you could just see the light and realize you're standing in front of the Second Coming, YOUR life might improve.
"STOP TALKING. I know you've been messing around talking to dead people. I can smell the spirits on you. The scent is especially strong because you have poor hygiene. I'm telling you, my 6th sense is showing people who would like to get to know you, but if you continue on this path, you will never get laid again, nevermind having anyone on your side as a friend. If you upset the ghost you talked with, I'm sorry to tell you, but you are destined for bad luck until you go back to the graveyard and make amends with the ghost you disturbed in a bad way."
That's great to know. I've got some advice for YOU, now. See the light and recruit to the Tila Army. You wont regret it. I told my fans I was going to open up an account and put money in it just for the them to take out whenever they needed some extra cash. So yeah, stay loyal and you'll get money. Would a bad person do that? I think not!
"Take care of yourself, Nguyen. Dont say I didnt warn you. Please dont come back here until you rid yourself of those evil vibes. You're putting a black cloud and a possible curse upon this house."
Yeah yeah, just stay out of my yard, freakshow. Go back to chanting or whatever.
What a freakshow! Talking about how I need to get laid?! PLEASE! She's the one who needs some action, what a pale loser. I can get any person I want in my bed. As a matter of fact, that's exactly what I'm about to do!
...Right after I rush home and tweet about how stupid haters are and retweet the positive comments from my MANY fans! What does she know anyway, I'M DATING MY FANS so HA! I've got wayyy more phone-bone buddies than that wanna-be slut does!
After yet another makeover, Tila was ready to whore it up at the local club.
See that guy in the background? I dated him. He's a VERY famous rock star in Europe.
Of course you have, Tila. You've dated every famous guy and girl known to man.
When she got to the club, who else was there but Zo's mother, aka ex-fan Izabell.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?! WHAT IS THIS FATTY DOING HERE?! THIN BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE ONLY! UGHH!
Izabell didnt take kindly to Tila's insult. She was feeling sure of herself so she decided to take down this bitch who not only insulted her, but insulted her daughter and came over uninvited. So they rolled around and smacked each other around while some random dude laughed and pointed the whole time.
Little did poor Izabell know that Tila had quite the meth habit so she was quite amped up, not to mention the sharp hooker heels. Of course her excuse is she grew up in a gangster neighborhood and beat up boys like it was her job because she was the leader of the Cholo gang or whatever. Anyway...
"Thanks for the entertainment, woman. Didnt think a scrawny midget like you could make it out alive. You got some guts. What's your name, chick?"
Are you kidding me? You seriously dont know who I am?! I'm Tila Motherfuckin' Tequila, ya caveman!
"Well shit woman, I've never seen you on TV or heard you on the radio... your name sounds kinda familiar though, I think my younger cousin's mentioned you before. She's obsessed with Twitter and about shit her pants when you retweeted somethin' she said to you. You're some kind of well-known Internet chick, right?"
Well arent you charming... I like a man who isnt a pussy, you tell it like it is. You single? What's your name? Fuck it, as if it matters. Come inside with me, lets get to know each other better by letting me grind on you on the dance floor!
"They call me Cyclone. I'd stay but I've gotta get home and get some work done. Maybe another time."
Fine, be lame. You owe me your number for rejecting me and leaving me here alone...
"Psh, you'll be fine. Whatever, here."
He gave her his number and left wondering why he always attracted trashy women.
Once Tila was inside, she almost left in disappointment because it was completely dead, until she saw her newest victim.
It was Violet DeLaRaj, Tila's best friend from way back in the day. She was a very well-known singer in the area and because of that, they had a falling out. Mainly it was because Tila was jealous of her success and accused Violet of being a hater (naturally) and leaving her "high and dry." In all actuality, Violet was much more successful and classier than Tila which is why she became famous, but of course the "boss bitch" would never admit it.
Well if it isnt the one who buried me alive by screwing me over! Like, omigawd!
Well it's your loss girlFRIEND, I'm a mogul and THEE most talked about celebrity online. That's wayyy more important than whatever YOU'RE doing. I've got MAJOR power. In fact, I just beat the shit out of someone twice my size outside.
So the joke's on YOU, bitch! Thought I was going to drown penniless. How does it feel to be a stupid ignorant hater NOW?
Violet had nothing to say. She normally would have, but she had been drinking shots of Jager all night and could barely see straight.
"Damn, Tila... it's been so longggg... girl I was totally gonna come over and welcome you to the neighborhood but I've been busy 'n shiiit... I love you so much woman, I've missed you like crazy. C'mere you sexy bitch."
*insert narrator gagging noises here*
Poor Violet... drunk and in the wrong place and in the wrong time. Luckily she's so drunk she wont remember this in the morning. She'd have to be that drunk to do something like this...
I knew you still wanted me. Come over. I'll do things that'll rock your world, bitch.
"Yah totally girl I'll stop over some time this week... but ah, I'm 'bout to pass out lover, I am fucked up with a capital "F", yo!! Remember when we used to get plastered together?? We were like fiiiive!"
Maybe I misjudged you, Vi. You're welcome to come over anytime. Sooner than later. We need to catch up... and I dont mean socially.
"Oh totally yeah. Sounds great, Tyra. I gotta go before I pass out... hahah I cant believe it's you. Still a bitch. I love you, bitch."
You're damn right you love me. I'm Tila Motherfuckin' Tequila, bitch. Anyone who doesnt love me is a fat cow with no brain! Okay, I'm out. Hope you find your way home okay. I'd offer to drive you home but I dont want you puking in my car.
After Violet got done dying of laughter, she admitted she probably would and excused herself to the ladies room to throw up the rest of her Jager shots.
The next morning after her usual fix, Tila had an idea.
I'm going to give myself the ULTIMATE makeover and call over that hot guy Cyclone or whatever his name was... the guy I met at the club last night. No guy can resist my succubus... err, I mean, seductive ways...
**STAY TUNED FOR CHAPTER 6! Ridiculous new makeovers and new characters on the way coming to your computer Tuesday night (4/13/10)**
**TO ALL MY READERS: Thank you again for reading and being so patient with me. Hope you enjoyed the chapter. I have plenty of pictures and good times to come**
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